Thy Will be done

Yesterday, while thousands of people flock so see the procession of the most beloved Former President Corazon Aquino, I opted to stay at home with my most beloved as well. As lethargic as I can be, I just watched the television even though my heart yearns to pay my last respect to the late President.. besides I figured that it would be better and if I will just do my part in the improvement of this country by fulfilling my oath as an unbiased Professor who prefers teaching those who values education.

So there, I watched the television when my sick mind resurfaced again and burst out a comment.

“Sana nga malaman ko rin kung ano ang plano ng Diyos sa akin.”

My loved-one, immediately reacted to that comment saying..

“Akala ko ba gusto mo maging Teacher?”

(Here, I go again…damn this my sick mind.. why can’t I just keep those things to myself instead of blurting it out?? I guess..that is normal when a topic or a situation really caught the attention of my head..)

Feeling a sense of an impending storm hanging above my head…I quickly explained the reason behind my comment.

“Hon..hindi naman sa dahil hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Alam ko kung ano ang gusto kong gawin at alam ko kung saan at paano makakarating doon. Ang problema lang kasi..hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang plano sa akin ng Diyos.”

She replied:

“Eh di para mo na rin sinabi na wala kang plano?”

(yep..its definitely starting to rain on my head right now.. I have to end this quick or suffer the wrath of the wife..)

“Ah..eh..hindi rin naman.. as I said.. may plano ako.. kaya nga tayo binigyan ng free-will ng Diyos. Tayo ang magdedecide at magpla-plano sa mga buhay natin. As I said, it is just that hindi ko pa nga alam kung ano ang plano nya sa akin. Para sa akin, gusto ko makatulong sa pamamagitan ng pagiging teacher. Gusto ko sana maka-guide ng kahit konting kabataan para malaman nila ang totoong edukasyon at totoong pagmamahal sa Bayan. Pero the fact remains na meroon syang plano sa bawat isa sa atin. It is ultimately better than our plan kase parang chess yan eh.. di ba ang mga pawns hindi nila maiintindihan kahit kailan kung bakit sila inilagay sa square na yun? Pero sa mata ng naglalaro alam nya kung bakit. Eh…paano na lang kung ayaw gumalaw ng isang Pawn ayon sa plano noong naglalaro? Di ba sira ang plano? Malay mo kaya pala nilalagay doon yung pawn dahil makakain na sya ng knight? So yun nga hon.. basta ako may plano ako..pero humihingi parin ako ng sign kung ano nga ba ang plano Nya..hindi ko rin kailangan maintindihan yun..basta ang alam ko mas makakabuti yun at mas maganda sa plano ko.”

(Whew..sa wakas..hirap mag speech ah)

After a few minutes of digesting what I discussed..she finally said.

“Okay. Alam ko na kung bakit. Buti na lang inexplain mo.”

---end of discussion---

(ofcourse marami pa kami pinag-usapan pero hindi na dapat malaman yun)

I know that almost everyone especially those who says that they are “strong”, “intelligent” and “scientific” will always deem the discourse above as utter foolishness. And for that….you have my respect of your opinion. I believe that all opinions should be respected since it is personal.
However, that does not mean that I agree.. the thing is, I am the comrade mentioned in the following http://jumarr.blogspot.com/2009/07/one-gloomy-day.html. i stand for what I said, and how I view life. It is not just a matter of “me”, “me” and “me against the world”, but a matter of Us..We.. how we affect everyone around us. As I watched it on History Channel: “History of the Universe” a scientist commented that “We are all connected to each other genetically, connected to earth chemically, to the universe atomically.”
Hence, I see life as a web… and us..nodes..everything we do will have repercussions that will send wave from the closest node the to farthest edge of the web.. we should not just think of ourselves and think that there will be others affected by everything we do. Admit that there is some higher Force…Being if I may..maintaining that web...and showing us the way to achieve and realize our purpose.

To live without purpose is to live a lie..a useless lump of flesh.

Daydream

During my class on Abnormal Psych, my professor mentioned a word that punched a hole in my "G.S.-mode-mind"..."And what is the word??".. the word is Daydream. Since we are having discussions on the symptoms of ADHD, it is chanced upon that she said the following phrase..

"....daydreaming is a scapegoat. It is a defense mechanism of our brain. All people do that, not just the ones with ADHD."

-Daydreaming-

words..echoed through my head until it hurts.

...it is a defense mechanism of our brain to protect us from depression..it is like a natural high or we can say it is an innate "drugs (Droga Meeeeennn!!)" injected by our brain whenever we feel depressed, or need to get away from something, get away from the harsh, awful, facts of life.

free drugs!! WoooOo!! why not? a natural high to escape this reality..who would have thought that our brain can be so deceptive and caring (awwww)? Sure..Sure its nice to be "high" once in a while (with no dangerous side-effects mind you..), but i am guessing that when you find yourself daydreaming most of the time then there maybe a problem after all..

during the past few months, my mind always slips to dreamworld..sometimes i took it to myself to resist the temptation to wander but to no avail...

sometimes i dreamed of being a good-looking player of a college basketball league... with my hair tied on a ponytail, with an athletic build, and ofcourse with a fair complexion..i dreamt of always outplaying and outsmarting all of my opponents and winning the game with marvelous, camera-perfect three point shots..fans cheering on..shouting my name out loud with sighs of utter admiration to what I have accomplished...

sometimes i find myself dreaming that i am an artist (no..not the one in visual, musical or sculpting..the TV artist.....as much as it is sickening..it is the truth...) being cheered on, being hugged by fans, being well loved by all..

sometimes i dream of being a conductor in a grand hall.. i remembered i was conducting famous classical pieces..from the most famous and respected composers and conductors of old. Beethoven, Mozart...deserving of a Standing Ovation and cheer from all the people includng the musicians surrounding me..

..i also found myself as a pianist, with my tuxedo, playing on a lerge concert hall full of people wishing to hear me play...eyes are on me...drowning in the classical and neo-classical music that I have created..i remember sheer awe from the audience...

..i can not help myself but to get overwhelmed of a sudden rush of emotions..a sense of pure joy...

..joy experienced within a daydream..

..dreams of being "something" more...someone who I wished was me...but will never be..daydreaming to feel that everybody loves you, to feel that all are listening to you..a foolish hope that someday people will see you as 'Some-One'..all eyes are upon you, their admiration...i can not help myself but smile just a bit..

..but then again..

..it is just a dream..